Interesting chemistry related stories
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Interesting chemistry related stories
Please post all cool stories about chemistry and chemists as a reply to this post
Last edited by admin on Tue Mar 06, 2007 10:57 am, edited 5 times in total.
Rules of the lab
Rules of the lab
- 1. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
2. When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
3. Experiments must be reproduceable, they should fail the same way each time.
4. First draw your curves, then plot your data.
5. Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
6. Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working.
7. To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
8. If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
9. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
10. Do not believe in miracles--rely on them.
11. Team work is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.
12. All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
13. No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example.
14. Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.
Last edited by Sam on Sun May 14, 2006 7:39 am, edited 1 time in total.
Chemist's last words
- The last words of a chemist:
1. And now the tasting test.
2. May that become hot?
3. And now a little bit from this...
4. ... and please keep that test tube alone!
5. And now shake it a bit.
6. Why is there no label on this bottle?
7. In which glass was my mineral water?
8. The bunsen burner *is* out!
9. Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?
10. *H* stands for Nitrogen - and that does *not* burn...
11. Oh, now I have spilt something...
12. First the acid, then the water...
13. And now the detonating gas problem.
14. This is a completely save experimental setup.
15. Where did I put my gloves?
16. O no, wrong beaker...
17. The fire alarm is just being tested.
18. Now you can take the protection window away...
19. And now keep it constant at 24 degrees celsius, 25... 26... 27...
20. Peter can you please help me. Peter!?! Peeeeeteeeeer?!?!?!?
21. I feel it how long 15 seconds are!
22. Something is wrong here...
23. Where do all those holes in my kettle come from?
24. Trust me - I know what I am doing.
25. And now a cigarette...
The periodic table
A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. She said, "Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights." One kid popped up, "Yeah, but teach, there were so few of them back then.
Vague Scientific Phrases :)
Of great theoretical and practical importance
Means it is interesting to me or else I want it to be interesting to somebody with money so they will fund my research.
Although there are no definite answers to these questions...
My experiment failed, but I still want to get published.
Three samples were selected for detailed study
Because the other ones sucked!
Typical results are shown
Either means the only results are shown or the best results are shown.
These results will be described in a subsequent report
Could mean: I had to hurry and get this paper published or My sabbatical is over and it's someone else's job to figure out the data.
The most reliable results are those obtained by Smith.
Smith is or was my graduate research assistant.
It is believed that...
I think this (and either no one agrees with me or else I didn't consult anyone).
It is generally believed that
I think this and at least one other person agrees with me.
Additional work will be required to elucidate the mechanism
I don't have a clue what is going on and I'm not going to be the one to figure it out.
Correct within an order of magnitude
So very, very wrong.
It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation
If I cared about further investigation, I'd tell you about my future plans.
Thanks are due to Joe Shmoe for assistance with the experiment and to Sam Smith for his help in preparing this paper
Shmoe did the work. Smith wrote the paper. My lab hosted the experiment, so I get all of the credit and any awards that might be given.
It can be shown
Somebody said they did this, but I can't duplicate their results. I can't even find the reference, or else I would have cited that instead.
It has long been known
I don't know the original reference.
A trend is evident
Okay, a trend does seem apparent to me, but no statistical analysis in the world will support it.
A careful analysis of obtainable data
I analyzed what data I could, which wasn't much because the other data was lost (chemical spill, computer error, equipment malfunction, etc.).
Means it is interesting to me or else I want it to be interesting to somebody with money so they will fund my research.
Although there are no definite answers to these questions...
My experiment failed, but I still want to get published.
Three samples were selected for detailed study
Because the other ones sucked!
Typical results are shown
Either means the only results are shown or the best results are shown.
These results will be described in a subsequent report
Could mean: I had to hurry and get this paper published or My sabbatical is over and it's someone else's job to figure out the data.
The most reliable results are those obtained by Smith.
Smith is or was my graduate research assistant.
It is believed that...
I think this (and either no one agrees with me or else I didn't consult anyone).
It is generally believed that
I think this and at least one other person agrees with me.
Additional work will be required to elucidate the mechanism
I don't have a clue what is going on and I'm not going to be the one to figure it out.
Correct within an order of magnitude
So very, very wrong.
It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation
If I cared about further investigation, I'd tell you about my future plans.
Thanks are due to Joe Shmoe for assistance with the experiment and to Sam Smith for his help in preparing this paper
Shmoe did the work. Smith wrote the paper. My lab hosted the experiment, so I get all of the credit and any awards that might be given.
It can be shown
Somebody said they did this, but I can't duplicate their results. I can't even find the reference, or else I would have cited that instead.
It has long been known
I don't know the original reference.
A trend is evident
Okay, a trend does seem apparent to me, but no statistical analysis in the world will support it.
A careful analysis of obtainable data
I analyzed what data I could, which wasn't much because the other data was lost (chemical spill, computer error, equipment malfunction, etc.).
Greetings from Chemicool.com!
Well this isnt exactly about Chemistry, but I enjoyed it.
50 things to do in an exam!
50 Fun things to do in an exam that does not matter (i.e. you are
going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the
final exam)
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
minutes. Wake up, say, "oh geez, better get cracking," and do
some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've
got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is
long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be
creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the
instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud,
debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop,
yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start
talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it,
loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this.
I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal?
And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume
at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting
way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to
answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my
religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a
sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say, "They've found me, I
have to leave the country," and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the
papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell
out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another
copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process
every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on
your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the
exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know
one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman
numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not
looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to
be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the
instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor
to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to
stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move
to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you
walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and
true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out
interesting things (DCCAB.BABE. etc..).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and
answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down
violently, scream out, "screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the
instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all
leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some
point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy)
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor
asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb
that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a
clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30
minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling, "I'm here, the
phantom of the opera," until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you
know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize
you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture.
Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over. While laughing loudly,
say, "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel?
Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they
finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the
theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest
proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers
into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything
to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword
and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way
through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have
bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is
obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise
you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and
staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the
attached notes for references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to
any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like
they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to
you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc...
sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards
at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If
you are asked to stop, say, "it helps me think." Bring a copy of
the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find
the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to
use the phrase, "Told you so."
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx
Sucks."
Well this isnt exactly about Chemistry, but I enjoyed it.
50 things to do in an exam!
50 Fun things to do in an exam that does not matter (i.e. you are
going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the
final exam)
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
minutes. Wake up, say, "oh geez, better get cracking," and do
some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've
got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is
long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be
creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the
instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud,
debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop,
yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start
talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it,
loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this.
I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal?
And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume
at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting
way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to
answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my
religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a
sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say, "They've found me, I
have to leave the country," and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the
papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell
out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another
copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process
every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on
your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the
exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know
one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman
numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not
looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to
be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the
instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor
to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to
stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move
to another seat, continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you
walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and
true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out
interesting things (DCCAB.BABE. etc..).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and
answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down
violently, scream out, "screw this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the
instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all
leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some
point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy)
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor
asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb
that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a
clapper. DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30
minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling, "I'm here, the
phantom of the opera," until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you
know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize
you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture.
Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over. While laughing loudly,
say, "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel?
Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they
finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the
theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest
proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers
into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything
to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword
and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way
through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have
bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is
obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise
you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and
staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the
attached notes for references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to
any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like
they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to
you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc...
sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards
at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If
you are asked to stop, say, "it helps me think." Bring a copy of
the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find
the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to
use the phrase, "Told you so."
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx
Sucks."
Other helpful site:
www.Chemicool.com/forum
It is true of the Nation, as of the individual, that the greatest doer must also be the great dreamer.
-Theodore Roosevelt
www.Chemicool.com/forum
It is true of the Nation, as of the individual, that the greatest doer must also be the great dreamer.
-Theodore Roosevelt
-
jack peterson
- Newbie
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 1:19 am
Re:
Very interesting idea! I think that could prove a very worthwhile approach in establishing long term relationships.
I think that you would need to priorities quite heavily towards the people who either link to you all the time or who have large, powerful sites. But these are the perfect people to build a relationship with as they have already shown that they like you by placing the link.
I think that you would need to priorities quite heavily towards the people who either link to you all the time or who have large, powerful sites. But these are the perfect people to build a relationship with as they have already shown that they like you by placing the link.
-
ChemSuitStanley
- Newbie
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Thu Jan 27, 2011 2:49 pm
- Location: Denver, CO